angels

My angel is sleeping. Before she was born I knew that she was an angel sent here to save me. I have often asked why me. Why did she agree to come here and make me her mother? She could have gone to a happy home, with a white fence and a dog. She could have gone to a home with two loving parents who love each other. She could have had so much more and yet she chose me. When she could barley talk she told me that before she came to earth she told Jesus that’s the pretty mommy I want right there and he let her come to me. I knew she had to be telling the truth. When she was younger she often talked about being an angel but she chose to come to earth and be with me. I’ve always accepted that she was exactly what she said she was an angel. Her name was either going to be Gabriel, or Seraphim. How suiting, two angel names. Seraphim, a type of angel was spoken of in the bible. I have no doubt that for whatever reason this angel was given to me as a protector. The moonlight is coming through the small window to our basement bedroom. The way the light shines on her face gives her an angelic glow. Her face is so perfect. The house is nearly silent other than the space heater next to our bed. I turn it off so I can hear her breath. There is something so calming and peaceful about watching her sleep. I often find myself watching her sleep. She sleeps so soundly that she never notices when I run my fingers gingerly through her soft blond curls. How is it that something so perfect is part of these circumstances that are so far from perfection. It seems almost unfair that this angel is part of my life, part of my world. Looking at her like this is the only time I allow myself to weep. I cry for her loss, cry for her pain, and cry for having caused her so many trials. She is so young and yet has had to endure so much. She has had to grow up so fast. Sometimes I forget that she is a small child, one with dreams and hope, one who still believes in something more. It’s perfect moments of peace like this that get me through the tuff moments of my days. It’s a perfect moment where all the wrong and heartache cease. Sometimes I think that if I look at her long enough, and stay close that some of her hope and light will rub off. Tonight as we held each other and prayed, I was almost taken back by her sincere concern for me. Why should this child, my angel have to worry about me. Should she be worrying about which toy she wants to sleep with or what cartoon she wants to watch in the morning? Instead she prays that I’ll find a job, that I’ll finish my game, and that she can go to the right church since her father refuses to take her, and forces her even when she protests to go to another church. She ended her prayer thanking God for me, for me taking care of her, and for me storing food so that we had some even though we don’t have much money. Nothing slips past her, she pick up on everything. I am sad that she thinks she has to take care of me and worry about money or where the food is coming from. She’s just a baby, just a small child and yet she is wise beyond her years. Seraphim has an old soul. She doesn’t seem to mind hanging out with mom, or reading with mom. That means more to me then she’ll ever know. We are each other’s best friend. She asks me all these questions about life, about hurting, about trials. Since when does a 7 year old have trials? Is it because of me that she has trials or even knows what they are? I believe that she has a special soul, one that is wise beyond its years. When I lose hope, she reminds me. She such a strong belief in prayer, she has such a perfect faith; I never knew that was possible from a child. By nature she is always concerned with those around her. She evaluates their moods. She is soft hearted and sensitive. This perfection, it almost scares me. I worry that someone so close to perfect, will be taken from me, taken from this life. I’ve never believed that I deserved her, but I always have known I needed her. She has given me so much, I only pray that I can give her something back, more than just the love of my whole heart. I hope she remembers who taught her how to laugh, taught her how to love, and taught her how to forgive. I guess these things I’m teaching her now have only come from a life full of trials. I think I can only teach her how to really forgive because I have had to forgive the unforgivable. I can teach her how to love because I have felt the Savior’s love when I didn’t deserve it and I have learned to love even when they don’t love me. I am able to laugh even when I want to cry. That’s what I can give her. She is easy to love, who wouldn’t love an angel. I know she is the best part of me. Even in the darkness of this night, I can see her light. Do you believe in guardian angels? I do. Seraphim has talked about the people she came to help. I was one of those blessed mortals to be visited by an angel. Her heart is so amazingly big. I wish moments like this could last forever that I could always remember her for who she really is. I think that there are so many other angels among us. If we treated people like that’s who they were, perhaps we’d start to recognize those qualities in them. Sometimes in moments like this I forget about the trials outside, the heartache, the bills, everything. I think losing everything makes me feel like I have everything. I have an angel with me, living with me, loving me. I have more that I could ever ask for, and surviving this life, and enduring so that I can be with her forever, that’s what matters to me right now, that’s what keeps me going. That’s what makes life worth it; know that there is more to it after this. Kiss your angels, thank God for allowing them to be in your life, and remember what Seraphim has taught me. There is hope, anything is possible. Hearts can be healed, people can soften, life will go one, God loves you, and you can change, you can be better than your circumstances, and stand up and be more. Love you all xoxo Laura

My Snow Angel

This Is my Snow Angel Seraphim. We had a snow storm hit about 6pm. It came down fast and by 7 we couldn't resist going out and playing in the snow. Seraphim and I buil our very own Snow slide. It is amazing. We worked so hard and were so tired we only went down it a few times before we had to head in to bed. She also enjoyed making snow angels. She said "Mom look at all the snow we have, we  can make lots of things. She also was great to sing her own version of Once there was a snow man.... it went like this..... "once there was a snow girl, snow girl, snow girl, once there was a snow girl, tall tall tall.....in the night she slided, slided, slided, in the night she slided all the way down.....She said this was the most amazing night ever. It reminded me of the night we built her first snow man...it was late but the snow is perfect when it first comes down and if we had waited till tomorrow the snow wouldn't have stuck together well. Its neat to be outside at night when it is snowing because the moonlight reflects off the clouds and so it seems light out side. We didn't even need the pourch light.  Love you all....come over and use our slide...xoxo Laura

Hawaiian Adventure September 2009

My sis Lynda helped Sera and  I go See Auntie Helen in DC and Aunties Jen and Ren in Hawaii. We had a good time. Seraphim especially loved snorking and putting fresh flowers in her hair. She was amazed to see the USS Arizona and USS Utah under the water at pearl harbor. Visiting the Macadamian nut farm was also a plus. She must have spent 30 minutes cracking fresh nuts. The China Hat island was neat to see but the beach was covered in little jelly fishes so Sera covered them in sand so we wouldnt step on them. Our very favorite spot was Goat Island. We walked .75 miles out in the ocean on a coral reef to this amazing little island. No one was there and there was plenty of treasures to find on the beach. We collect beach glass. We loved all the differnt special peices we found. Aunt Jen was the best for showing us around the Hawaiin island where she lives ...These were a few of my favorite Pics.

Seraphims Sweet Thanks......

Seraphim and I have been talking about gratitude since Thanksgiving is coming up soon. Her sweet spirit touches my soul. I can't believe how much she has matured over the last few months. I can't imagine going through the losses she has and still being so positive about life....I have been writing down word for word what she has said about what she is grateful for and I'd like to share with you in hopes that you'll remember what it is you’re thankful for... I want to share what I am grateful for too and that will come soon......

Things Sera is grateful for: home, bed, Kate my stuffed kitty, prayer bear, soft blankies, roof over head, beautiful paintings in my home, hair things, family in house.
Body of flesh and blood, it helps me move, it’s part of Gods trial because he sent us here to die and come back to him.
Heart it helps me love one another and forgive.
Mom she cares for me she gave me life and gave me birth and she loves me she taught me to care for each other she feeds me, taught me to be kind to everyone, tells me how to be closer to Jesus by listening to my mom and the holy ghost, taught me how to pray, and forgive and read scriptures, she supports me when I'm having hard times.
FOOD!
Life- because I can have flesh and bones, it’s a trial from Jesus to come back to home because life is just a wonderful thing even when it’s hard because life sometimes not fair because without life I can't be with Jesus again. When it’s not fair it makes me want to be better and pray more
Family-because they take care of me and when mom dies she'll be in heaven and if they are still alive they will take care of me. Heavenly father is part of my family. They love me and I love them back.
I'm thankful for the family that left even though mine is broken. Satan can't take my mom away from me ever and he can't stop me from loving my dad, I won't let him.
Love-it heals your feelings. It makes love for other people so they will love you too. Sometimes helps you get more friends. It gives you opportunity to live because if we didn't have a heart we wouldn’t have life.
Jesus-he died on the cross for all our sins, he heals the sick, suffered for our sins and our heart ache, made our world and home, he made the church, he helped Joseph Smith to get the gold plates so we can have scriptures, he loved us.
Ryan (Father)-takes care of me when I visit, helps me, takes care of me when I get hurt, and helps me feel better when I am sick.
Rachael-she loves me and takes care of me and helps me go to the true church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints.
Gab (brother)- I love him and I know he is an angel from God when I am around him he helps me feel the spirit.
Grandparents-They love you take care of me take me on trips, spoil me.
Dad Jake- he loves me even when I'm not with him. He took care of me, he gave me everything I needed and he was a great dad. He took me to the true church. H played with me as much as he could even though he couldn’t move his hands or feet and a dad that loved me very much. I loved him to no matter what, even if he couldn’t hug me or even if he was in a wheelchair. He was special to me and I miss him.
Heavenly father-he wants our families to come back to heaven I know I can come back to him.
Scriptures because they help you learn about Jesus, they are good, they tell the truth. I love them. I read them every night with my mom.
I am grateful for my testimony. I love it
The more I am grateful for, the closer I am to God.

Her sweetness and honesty touch my heart and soul. I'll love her forever..

Little Life Lessons from Seraphim

There are moments in your life you hope you remember forever. Perhaps by sharing it will be written on my heart. I know they say that out of the mouth of babes....
Ps. 8:2 Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.

Matt. 21:16 And said unto him, Hearest thou what these say? And Jesus saith unto them, Yea; have ye never read, Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise?
3 Ne. 26: 16 Behold, it came to pass on the morrow that the multitude gathered themselves together, and they both saw and heard these children; yea, even ababes did open their mouths and utter marvelous things; and the things which they did utter were forbidden that there should not any man write them.
Seraphim had come home very discouraged from Ryan's (her biological father) house the other night. She normally isn't one to talk about how she feels. But she was almost in tears as she spoke to me. I wondered what on earth had happened to make her feel that way. The previous Sunday without my permission he took her to some random Christian church. Ryan and I had a discussion a few weeks prior that if she wanted to go to church she should be allowed to go to church and he assured me that he would never keep her from church, and that any child of his would have religious freedom to go to church if they choose. He assured me that she would be able to go with Rachel’s (her step-mother) parents or they would take her. When she came home from church we started to talk and she knew the church he had taken her to was different, she could tell by how it felt that it was different. She said mom I asked him to take me to church, why would he trick me and take me to the wrong church. I was wondering the same thing. I felt like he was misleading her into believing he was supporting her choice to go to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The church she has been raised in her whole life and the church she is going to be baptized in, in a few months. So what does this have to do with her being upset Thursday night, well that was her visitation night with her dad. She took it upon herself to stand up to her dad and tell him she wanted to go to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He told her he didn't think it mattered what church she went to and that he wanted her to go to church with him. She was upset her dad didn't honor her wishes but she was upset because she has already seen the power of Satin to destroy families 1st hand, during this time of hardship and heart ache in her life she has found such light and hope at church. It has become a constant thing in her life for the last few years. It was something she could rely on, especially now when so many things in her life are changing. She feels the spirit often and we have had many wonderful conversations about her faith and how she feels about prayer. I didn't know what to say to Seraphim that would be appropriate, I don't like to say bad things about Ryan to her, I don't think he is a bad person but I certainly was disappointed he 1st deceived her about going to church, and then told her it didn't matter what church she went to. I asked her what she wanted to do about it, and she said she didn't know but that she would pray and she knew Heavenly Father would help her. I was proud to hear that from her, that at her age of 7 she believed that Heavenly Father was real and he would help her. So many people don't feel that, I hope she always feels that way. Each night before bed we read from the scriptures. That night I chose to read from Doctrine and Covenants children’s stories. We just so happen to read about the first miracle in the church. I think I had heard this story a long time ago, but not recently. Sunday April 11 1830 there was an LDS church meeting held where there were many non-members. Satan didn't want people to join the Church so he tried to make some of them feel bad. One person who felt bad at the meeting was Newel Knight. Joseph Smith asked Newel to pray at a meeting, and Newel said he would, but Satan didn't want Newel to pray. When Newel went to the meeting, he said he was afraid to pray out loud. The next morning, Newel Knight went into the woods so he could pray alone. Newel tried to pray, but again Satan didn't want him to, and he couldn't talk. He became sick and afraid, and went home. Newel's wife was worried about him and asked Joseph Smith to help. Joseph used the priesthood to bless Newel and cast Satan out. After the blessing, Newel felt better and was later baptized. After we read that, Seraphim got so excited, she said mom...mom....that happened to my dad, that’s why he won't go to church because when he does, he has bad feelings. She said she could feel the Holy Ghost telling her this was an answer to her pray about why her dad felt bad. I was so glad to hear her take scriptures and try and apply them to her life. I explained that her dad didn't always feel bad when he went to church. She then prayed again. In her prayer she told Heavenly Father that she believed that the LDS church was true and that she had a testimony of it and that she wanted her dad to support her in going to church but she didn't know what to say to him, she asked for help strengthening her testimony, and help finding the right words to say to him....It was a good end to a night of heartache. The best part about it was the spirit and scriptures did all the teachings, I didn't tell her what to do, or what to say to her dad, I just loved her, encouraged her to pray and did our regular scripture study. On the following Sunday, we were at a regional stake conference where we heard the Prophet speak. Part way though his talk, he said something like …you young ones, you can have an influence on your parents to make the right choices.....she got so excited I had almost missed the message, she said "Mom it’s an answer to my prayers I can be a good influence on my dad, I know he will listen to me and I can be an example to him" I am in awe at her faith and her courage. I know at her age I didn't have those kinds of convictions; she truly is an example and a blessing to me. I know these last few months have been so hard on her, I wish I could erase all the heart ache and pain, but I know that she has grow spiritually and, emotionally. Her prayers have become so much more than a simple child’s prayer. She knows that her Father in heaven loves her, he is there for her, and he answers prayers. I want that to stay with her forever. I knew I would grow through these trials, but I didn’t know how much she would grow. For that I am grateful.

Seraphim Is a big Sister

Seraphim was so excited when Her New baby brother came early. Gabrielle Scott Baker was 8lbs 12 OZ and 21 in long coming 2 weeks early. Oh my. She held him for over an hour last night. She says she is ready to change diapers and give him a bath. She just lit up seeing him. Her Sep-mom Rachel is doing well. I'm excited she got to be here when he came. On the way over in the car she said "mom he will know me because He just came from heaven. We are both angels you know." She also said that she already loved him.... Its amazing how fast you love someone you don't even know. She was right it was a boy too. She informed me she was an angel and she knew. LOL they didn't know what he was till he was born. Just being in the room with the baby you could sence the spirit near. It was a sweet moment I was glad to share with Seraphim and Rachel and her family.

A day of fun!

My dad is a teacher and got discount tickets to Lagoon so we all decided to go. I thought because we were take all the little kids that we'd spend most of the day at Laguna beach and then grin and bear it through the little kid rides. Seraphim isn't very tall and I thought for sure she wouldn't be able to go on anything that was too much fun, but I was OK with that. I wanted her to have a great day. Once we got there we measured all the kids and she was only 1/2 to short for nearly ever ride and roller coaster there. All the other kids were tall enough. I just put her pony tail up high on her head and taught her to walk through the line on her tippy toes. It worked out just fine. I should have been surprised but Seraphim wanted to go on all the big bad roller coasters. She was so much fun. She is more daring then some adults I know. We had a blast. There wasn't one roller coaster that we missed. The new roller coaster called wicked goes straight up then straight down and she wanted to go again and again. She loved spending time with her cousins and aunts. It worked out perfect 4 adults and 4 kids. Everyone had a riding buddy. I love spending time with my family.

Silver Lake

Seraphim and I have tried to stay busy. Last Tuesday we drove up to Silver Lake. This is one of my fav little spots and Aunt Lynda took so really cute photos. The sun set was so beautiful. Seraphim said that God must have made it just for us. I think He did. If you can’t there isn't much of a lake this time of year. There is a little spot that has some water and I am told a few fish. I wish we had our fishing pole here although because of past experiences I'm not sure I'd go fishing again without someone who knew what they were doing. Any how this was a great day. I love spending time with Seraphim. She is a light and a blessing. I love her!

First day of school

I just Sent Seraphim off to her 1st day of 2nd day. I can't hardly believe she is this old. In a couple of months she will be 8. I of coarse didn't have my camera but I'll have to grab a few photos when she gets home. Apparently they are on Year around school down here. This will be an interesting change. They started school three weeks ago. It was soooo cute this morning when she told me she had 10 butterflies in her tummy this morning. She said it was a little bit excited and a little bit nervous. She said "Mom this is my first time being shy." I think that is almost a true statement because if anyone knows Seraphim she is anything but shy. School is only .5 miles away but we have to cross the Hwy. to get there so no walking or biking. She was so bummed about that. I told her some day we might walk. I miss her already and its only been like 30 minutes. I know that I am blessed to have her.

Skela-rocker girl

She isn't your average girly girl but boy has this girl got some sass. I love that she plays with barbies, loves to cook and wear make up and yet doesn't mind getting a little scary for Halloween. Its the best of both worlds with this girl. I guess that's why we call her Sassy Sera. She looks as sweet as can be but don't let those baby blue's fool you cuz her hand will be on her hip sooner then you know it. LoL. Actually she's mostly sweet and just a little sass. I love this girl because she is so full of life.

Toothless twosome

I love these Girls! Seraphim and Jordyn have been two peas and a pod since they were born. Cousins born just 6 months apart they have always been close. They potty trained together, lived together and Finally lost their first teeth together.